Recently I have been thinking a lot about sexism on the left. How supposed allies who claim to be for equality are anything but. I have been told on twitter that sexism and equality is not as big an issue as class and so I should shut up and not complain that Liverpool had an all white male shortlist for mayoral elections.
I have attended a meeting set up in response to some serious problems brewing in the local activism scene around sexism.
And then there is Julian Assange, George Galloway, and a whole host of rape apologists and rape deniers claiming to support ‘freedom’ and ‘equality’ yet shouting women down and telling us we are wrong when we challenge them.
You CANNOT stand for equality if you name women protected by legal anonymity with the express purpose of intimidating them, call them ‘whores’ and ‘sluts’, invoke the whole sexist shit storm of a ‘honey trap’; in which men are blamelessly ‘seduced’ exposing the hypocrisy of a view that paints men as hapless victims of evil succubus, siren like women, a world in which men never need take responsibility for their sexual actions whilst women are continually policed on our sexual conduct and if anything bad should happen to us it is instantly our fault.
Men like that are not our allies. Men who speak FOR us, tell us what to think, who refuse to believe our everyday lived experiences of sexism, especially sexism from men on the righteous left who would never do anything to oppress anyone ever because they’re a vegan and rescue donkeys at the weekend or whatever, who refuse to acknowledge their own privilege, who insist on Explaining things to us , like erm sexism and what ‘real feminism’ should be about (which apparently boils down to not making men who’s views on consent make them apologists and deniers of rape feel uncomfortable).
STFU and listen to women for once. We don’t need you and your odious opinions and we certainly do not want you claiming to be allies when you belittle us at every turn. Make your own tea.
Many wonderful blog posts have been written about this including;
This week I’ve read well over two thousand comments about rape
He will march with total strangers
But he will not walk with me
But what has really encapsulated the whole issue for me is a song by Dory Previn, ‘The Altruist and the Needy Case’, which paints a vivid and accurate portrait of exactly the kind of right on lefty men who view themselves as impeccable beacons of progressive politics and fairness yet have a huge blind spot when it comes to women’s rights and feminism as a legitimate political movement. The sort of men who will go on every demo yet leave the kids at home with the wife. It’s just a brilliant song. It is written as if it relates to a personal relationship yet it applies to the wider relationship between the women’s movement and the left as an echo and reflection of the personal relationships between men and men; the personal is political after all.
‘The Altruist and the Needy Case’
He has passion for ecology Compassion for minorities
He carries printed placards To put an end to war
He’s a hero He’s a rebel with a half a hundred causes
He peddles his petitions door to door
He’s at home among the homeless singing set my people free
He will march with total strangers
But he will not walk with me
He writes letters to his congressmen on Indian indignities
Black men are his brothers, He bears collective guilt
He’s a prophet, He’s a pacifist
But tho’ peace is his objective
He has no fear to see his own blood spilt
His roots are with the rootless, That’s where he needs to be.
He will die with total strangers
but he will not live with me
He feeds and shelters animals. Unselfish are his deeds.
He gives away his worldly goods and has no notion of my needs.
Lover look away a moment, tho’ the ghetto cries,
long enough to see the hunger in one person’s eyes.
Passion for ecology.Compassion for minorities.
He weeps to think that anyone could ever be alone.
He’s a seeker He’s a saviour who strives to save the children
But he’s never had a child of his own.
He’s united with the universe
He’s at one with stars and sea
He can love the whole damned human race
Oh Then why is he so afraid to be
in love with me?
Sadly I can’t find a youtube to the song but go look it up, it’s brilliant.
I wish I had seen this post 3 years ago so I could have sent it to a “progressive” man who called me “needy” when he broke up with me. People have needs — it’s part of the human condition. Straight women often wind up distressed because their emotional needs are not addressed, because straight men are typically socialized to delegitimize these needs, and they underfunction emotionally. Hence I hereby decree that men are not allowed to use the word “needy”.