After I graduated from uni, full of inspiration and dreams for the future I tried ‘leaning in’. I did all the stuff you’re supposed to do, I tried ‘networking’, I revised my cv a million times and sent it off everywhere, I slept on my sisters floor for a week doing a work experience week that pushed me to my health limits and left me out of pocket, I did a course for unemployed graduates (again pushing my health to the limit) that promised a work experience opportunity that never materialised. I applied for job after job after job, any job. I got nowhere and I was at one if the lowest points with depression I’d been in for years. I thought it must be because if me, because I’m rubbish, because I hadn’t done enough in uni or school despite being ill, because I wasn’t trying hard enough. That’s what all this lean in neo-liberal bollocks makes you feel, a failure. I kept ‘leaning in’ but I just fell flat on my face.
Then I started to read, to engage with new people and ideas online, I began to see most of this wasn’t my fault. The recession wasn’t my fault. The disablism and prejudice of employers was not my fault. The fact I had little experience due to illness wasn’t my fault. The fact I just COULDN’T do things I thought I was supposed to do wasn’t my fault, it wasn‘t a personal moral failing that I couldn’t physically or mentally cope with this work hard at all costs ethic, that I wasn’t born rich enough to fund myself through lengthy internships and post graduate education, that I didn’t mix in the right social circles, or know anyone who did, to ‘network'; though I did score my only job to date at aged nearly 30 through nepotism so perhaps I leaned in a bit, but parents why can’t you know people who offer secure well paying work? Damn you and your vocational socially conscious careers! . New phrases like ‘structural oppression’ started to make sense. I’m still in a precarious place employment and health wise but I no longer see being unable to do things due to circumstances beyond my control as a ‘personal failure’ or ‘not trying hard enough’ so I don’t beat myself up about it. My health means I will probably never be able to go after a full time career or even be able to support myself through work without claiming benefits; very little in these ‘lean in’ type discussions cater to this, the reality of people who CAN’T work or who can’t work enough, how is someone who can’t work supposed to lean into being a career woman? Where is lean in when it comes to demanding support for women who can’t work? Where is corporate faux feminism in defining the welfare state, social security, access to healthcare, education, social care, housing, food, the most basic level of sustenance, the right to be supported and respected as a human being even if you never work a day in your life or you spend your working life cleaning up the shit of women who have successfully ‘leaned in’ and whose very ‘leaning in’ depends on your underpaid and under-appreciated labour? Do they ever thank you for it? Do they even notice the existence of these women?
As bell hooks says in her essay ‘Dig Deep; Beyond Lean In’ “Sandberg’s definition of feminism begins and ends with the notion that it’s all about gender equality within the existing social system.” Which is exactly the problem with it, the existing social system CANNOT offer equality to everyone, it depends on inequality. Offering ‘equality’ to a few token women is not equality. I recognise I am privileged in many ways, I’m white, middle class, have had access to education and have a supportive family yet I am not going to apologise for the fact that being disabled puts many barriers in my way that I can’t magically overcome with the powers of inspiration porn. Yet I am constantly bombarded by shit like ‘the only disability is a bad attitude’ or told I am ‘bitter’ or ‘lazy’ for acknowledging the fact my illnesses have fucked up my career and life opportunities. Or it is assumed I should throw my weight behind ‘feminist’ campaigns and campaigners who do not acknowledge the difficulties women like me face, that if I don’t I am being ‘divisive’ and ‘rude’ to challenge why certain strands of feminism claim to be for ‘all women’ but ignore the voices of so many.
Some women may be able to mimic white heterosexual cis abled men and play their game to attain success, but that isn’t feminism. No feminism of mine sees success as mimicking patriarchy and gaining crumbs from the table of patriarchal power, my feminism smashes that bullshit.
Ideologies like ‘Lean In’ that are capitalism lite, faux activism bullshit refuse to acknowledge the barriers that many face due to disability, race, gender, class, sexuality and more problematically they refuse to acknowledge the complex reality that these oppressions overlap and that any solution cannot be found by simply addressing them as if they exist in easily separable categories. To quote bell hooks again lean in ‘faux feminism’ “avoids the difficult questions”.
Things like Lean In are simple, fluffy faux ‘solutions’ offering a tiny sticky plaster and allowing some tokens to succeed within the same systems that keep even more down. Lean In quite frankly offers me fuck all as a disabled woman who is, for the most part, excluded from the world of work and I know many other women in many other situations are also offered fuck all. Insultingly things like ‘Lean In’ seek to offer a helping hand to those who need less help in the first place, it’s like offering a step up to people who are already half way up the ladder whilst ignoring those who can’t even grasp the first rung. It peddles the myth that everyone can succeed if you just ‘work hard enough’ and those that don’t succeed have only themselves to blame, it absolves us of any social responsibility, it places the largest burdens on the weakest shoulders.
How far can you lean in before you just fall over?