It’s been more rollercoastery than usual lately.

I also bring sad news: my favourite fish in the pyschiatrists waititng room is no more, goodbye orange gravel moving fish (it used to make little piles of gravel by scopping it up in its mouth then blowing it out, it was rather cute), my waiting times will be duller without you! The other fish left are boring.

Psychiatrist is confused as usual, he asked me if I wanted to change meds I said maybe if he thought it’d help then he went all ‘ohh I don’t think it’d be a good idea’ why did he mention it then?  I remain as confused as ever, wondering if my medication does anything at all or if it flattens me. It’s so hard when half the side effects seem to be the same as the symptoms of depression. It’s a bit worrying when you get the feeling the ‘expert’ in charge is confused and doesn’t know what to do as you don’t seem to be getting anywhere. Sigh. medication will be upped again soon, I’ll see how it goes.

I also spaced out in asda, supermarkets are horrid places. The lighting, the people, I must’ve wandered round for an hour or so just being vaguley aware of things in that ‘bell jar’ sort of way. Then I was nearly in tears at the train station waiting to be picked up. I hate being tearful in public places, I’m never sure what would be worse: being ignored or being asked if I’m O.K.

I still have a dead beige brain and my ability to write is diminished.

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Comments

  1. SW/AWW says:

    Sending you good vibes–I know these feelings and they are horrible. I hope your brain “brightens” soon.
    HH
    Suicide, A Biography

  2. Ruby says:

    ah, I agree about supermarkets. I try to avoid them when I’m having a terrible day, otherwise I wonder around, brain dead and anxious, forgetting what I’m there for and making the secuirty guard view me suspiciously. Not cool!

    RIP gravel moving fish.

    • Chloë says:

      Alas my pyschiatrists is right behind an Adda so I often end up popping in for ‘5 minutes’ and find myself wandering round getting depressed at cheese or something.

  3. […] is a fish tank in psychiatrist’s waiting room (on the nhs too, gosh!) and I have blogged in the past about how my favourite resident of the said tank, orange gravel moving fish, sadly […]

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