Somedays I am so sensitive to everything, everything is noisier, smellier, more colourful, and if it’s a bad day 100000x more annoying. I don’t know if this sensory overload or whatever it is it’s a symptom of depression or what.
Today is one of those days. I am distracted to the point of snapping, every little noise everyone makes is driving me to distraction. Even the sound of my fingers on the keyboard is rubbing me up the wrong way. My mum is sweeping the floor and it sounds like fingers down a blackboard. I can’t concentrate, I can’t do any work everything is so fucking NOISY and DISTRACTING. On days like this I need to get out. I just can’t cope. I just can’t do stuff. I need to shove headphones on and walk off the stress, fidget it out or curl up.
It really is quite utterly ridiculous to be almost driven to tears and yelling at people because everyone’s noisy. It’s diva ish ‘how dare you make noise when I need to work!’. But omg it’s so hard. I can’t shut it out, I just can’t. You can never tell when it’s going to hit. Sometimes it just comes over you, you just have to ride it out and try not to snap at people for breathing too loudly (some people really do breathe ridiculously loudly). The birds outside sound like they have bloody megaphones.
This is probably why I have a very low tolerance of people who talk in cinemas, apart from the fact it’s just bloody rude if you don’t STFU as soon as the film starts. I once went to the cinema with a guy who kept using his phone, not to talk but silently to text n stuff, just the light next to me was driving me mad. I just find it so hard, if not impossible to tune this stuff out sometimes, like I have a filter that’s broken and everything is just massive white noise swarming in all at once , deafening. Like a massive bee. My brain even feels weird, sort of tingly and wriggly. Like little brainy worms.